A lesson for the Pac NW

One more time, I’m going to talk about the weather. You know I’m not usually one for letting clouds or rain have any bearing on my mood. I still feel that way, subconsciously, but I learned the hard way that you may find yourself affected by low levels of sunlight or long hours of darkness more than you’re aware.

Though I’ve felt pretty emotionally positive most of this winter, the past few weeks have been miserable, giving me a glimpse into the experience of having mono: I’m perpetually exhausted, could fall asleep at the drop of a pillow, I’m completely unmotivated and disinterested in many things I usually love, and often feel anxious and worried about things. A quick consultation at the health center told me I did not have mono, but got me concerned that I may have clinical depression and/or anxiety.

After a blood test, I was told I simply had a severe Vitamin D deficiency, which apparently is supposed to explain all of my symptoms. They gave me a prescription for the highest dose of Vitamin D possible, which I can only take once a week, and told me not to supplement with any other multivitamins because they would actually give me an overdose of Vitamin D.

I’m awaiting a newfound feeling of vigor and restfulness.

Senioritis

I guess I should mention that I’m keeping a blog this quarter of my progress on my final project for Evergreen: a senior thesis that encompasses my four years of academic learning and experience in the Cooper Point Journal student group. It’s off to a slow start, but the idea is that I’m writing on tons of different topics related to my learning inside and out of the CPJ, and at the end of the quarter I will compile it into a magazine format to share with future members of the CPJ and to include in my transcript.

The idea behind it is really to justify the amount of time I’ve spent at the CPJ– I have been involved with it for four years now, and I feel confident in saying that I have learned at least as much in the CPJ as I have over four years of academic work. And that’s not out-of-the-ordinary for anyone involved in the CPJ.

But it’s difficult to convey that on a transcript. Without explicitly conveying what I have learned at the CPJ, my transcript looks like a seemingly random collection of academic experiences: literature, writing, linguistics, France, France, France, musicology, psychology, journalism, web design… and really what ties all those things together is the CPJ, which isn’t mentioned at all.

By doing this contract and writing about what I’ve learned at the CPJ and how I’ve tied in academics, someone who looks at my transcript can (hopefully) plainly see an organized path of learning and how I’ve grown as a leader and communicator.

I’m pretty excited about this. It makes me feel a lot more confident about my transcript AND it fills the writing void I’ve had in my life for quite some time.

Here’s the blog!

Learner.

My next-to-last quarter at Evergreen is drawing to a close, and in addition to the crippling senioritis I’ve contracted, I’ve also started to get a pretty bittersweet feeling about graduating and about the time I’ve spent at Evergreen.

At the end of every quarter, we write page-long self evaluations about the work we’ve done and what we’ve learned during the quarter. Mine tend to wax philosophic about how I’ve changed and grown personally, and about learning styles, and about how Evergreen is different, and what it’s teaching us to be (or what it’s enabling us to be). I have an enormous amount of respect for Evergreen.

Anyway, I started out writing that same narrative at the beginning of this quarter’s self evaluation, but it seemed more appropriate for a different setting–maybe my final summative self evaluation. In the meantime, I’m posting it here. [Taken from a Tumblr blog that belongs to me!]

I’ve had several epiphanies this quarter about my learning style and ability (or lack thereof) to do work. I have been overwhelmed by what I have learned about myself as a person and as a learner.

It’s taken me a long time at Evergreen to see that sort of statement (which I tend to make in nearly every self evaluation I write) not as a cop-out, but as a reflection on the overall purpose of this school. In this instance, what I’m clearly saying is, “yeah, I did very little of the work and didn’t learn all of what I set out to learn, and I’m disappointed by that– but wait! I did learn some stuff; it just wasn’t on the contract… does that count?”

That’s not a legitimate justification for credits. And maybe I’m just getting philosophical because it’s starting to sink in that I have only 3 months left of undergrad life. And I understand that this was a web design contract and I am delaying the analysis of the actual work I did(n’t) do or things I did(n’t) learn. But I do truly believe that’s what Evergreen is all about– there’s a difference between a student and a learner, and Evergreen teaches us to be learners, not students.

I have a pattern of needing to do this lengthy preamble to self evaluations because I definitely have this love affair with Evergreen, and with nearly every class/program/contract I do, this love affair grows. And I know it has been a successful quarter, at least in some respects, if that happens.

In other aspects of life, too, I feel most self-assured and successful the more I learn. It doesn’t matter if an experience is downright catastrophic– if I learn from it, I come out feeling pretty victorious, even if it takes me a little while to recognize and appreciate that feeling. At the student newspaper, the Cooper Point Journal, we go through a month of leadership training before school starts. One of the games we play to help identify and develop leadership qualities is an auction where we are all bidding on character traits of a “good” leader. The idea is to bid on items that you believe you lack or need in order to become a better leader. There are the usual things you’d expect: organized, respectful, confident, responsible, etc… and then there’s “Lifelong Learner.” I always bid on that one, even though I don’t think I need it: I couldn’t stop learning if I tried.

And trust me, this quarter any observer would pretty much believe that’s exactly what I was doing.

You’ve got this thing about you that keeps me on the edge of my seat.

I cannot tell you how amazing my life is. I’m a pretty happy person, but lately I have just been pumped. All. The. Time.

My birthday is in a week, and nearly all of my friends will be there helping me ring it in.

I have fucking awesome friends.

I listen to good music all the time.

The student newspaper’s website is better than ever.

I’m setting up my own contract this quarter and I’ve picked out all my reading materials.

I’ve been flexing my editing muscles and I LOVE IT.

Oh god, do I fucking love it.

No one can rain on my parade. (Though the Olympia weather is trying its hardest.)

(Title of post from “Teeth,” by The Ettes)

Good humor, bad taste? Bad humor, good taste?

Right now there’s a debate going on on TESCTalk, our school’s community discussion board carried out via email, about gender, transphobia, and the origins and connotations of the word “mother,” especially in reference to Mother Earth.

The discussion blows my mind because it’s opening me up to many diverse thoughts that I don’t normally come into contact with. I’m enjoying sitting back and watching it unfold.

I would like to reply, but I have several reservations about doing so, and the only thing I would have to contribute is the following anecdote. Please note (if you are from Evergreen or have any invested interest in such a discussion) that I mean this in every positive way possible and only in good humor. It is going on my blog right now rather than the forum because I am worried that some people would not recognize the humor in it that I do. The timing may be wrong for the larger discussion. But it’s all I can think about and I have to add it somehow!

This is taken from Monty Python’s “Life of Brian.”

REG: Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man–

STAN: Or woman.

REG: Why don’t you shut up about women, Stan. You’re putting us off.

STAN: Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.

FRANCIS: Why are you always on about women, Stan?

STAN: I want to be one.

REG: What?

STAN: I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me ‘Loretta’.

REG: What?!

LORETTA: It’s my right as a man.

JUDITH: Well, why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?

LORETTA: I want to have babies.

REG: You want to have babies?!

LORETTA: It’s every man’s right to have babies if he wants them.

REG: But… you can’t have babies.

LORETTA: Don’t you oppress me.

REG: I’m not oppressing you, Stan. You haven’t got a womb! Where’s the foetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?!

LORETTA: crying

JUDITH: Here! I– I’ve got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can’t actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody’s fault, not even the Romans’, but that he can have the right to have babies.

FRANCIS: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister. Sorry.

REG: What’s the point?

FRANCIS: What?

REG: What’s the point of fighting for his right to have babies when he can’t have babies?!

FRANCIS: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.

EIC App Essay #2: Personal Assessment

For the Editor in Chief application, I had to write two essays. This is the second one. I thought it would be ok to post it here, because soon it will be on the Cooper Point Journal website and publicly visible anyway. Enjoy…

____________________

Regardless of my skills and previous experience, I expect and intend to be challenged by every responsibility I hold. Though I believe it’s important to have a healthy amount of confidence, I also think that the ability to recognize any situation or task as daunting enables one to self-reflect, think critically, and problem solve (in that order).

In general, I foresee that one of my biggest challenges will be developing and maintaining a relationship with the new advisor. Helping him or her familiarize himself with the organization will be very difficult, considering how long it takes for general members to understand the purpose of the organization, its goals and objectives, and the difference between the organization and the publication. I intend to make myself available to the new advisor over the summer and beginning of the year as a resource to help in whatever ways I am able. To that end, I would like to research more about the history of the organization and publication, and also come to a greater understanding of the past advisors’ role in both.

I expect that in regard to cooperpointjournal.com, one of the major challenges will be outreach for the purpose of making the general student population aware of the website and generate interest in contributing content, especially multimedia content. Hopefully, making the website available in multiple different mediums (like the iPhone app and more interfacing with social networking sites) will aid in those efforts.

As co-coordinator, I am fairly confident in my ability to organize and lead meetings, because I have been successful in doing so in the past. Leading a seminar-like discussion and consensus-based decision making session in 2010 about the future of the print edition was one of my most stressful times, but also probably my most rewarding experience as a managing editor last year. As print managing editor, someone who was intimately familiar with and involved with the production of the print edition, it was difficult to turn my attention to web, let alone support the decision of moving completely to a web publication. I had to be able to overcome my personal biases and comprehensively advocate for a solution to which most members seemed opposed.

Last year I also attended a Regional Northwest Leadership Conference in Portland, OR. That experience was fundamental to me in developing skills that have helped me manage a group of individuals, and I have been able to use those skills for the specific purpose of better organizing production of the publication. With some more concentrated efforts in focusing those skills on the website, I will be more confident in creating a workflow that works to the advantage of the publication and the individuals working on it.

EIC App Essay #1: Motivation

For the Editor in Chief application, I had to write two essays. This is the first one. I thought it would be ok to post it here, because soon it will be on the Cooper Point Journal website and publicly visible anyway. Enjoy…

______________________

The best way to articulate the many reasons I would like to hold the position of co-coordinator of the Cooper Point Journal organization and Editor in Chief of the CPJ publication is to say that I have many goals for both the organization and the publication, and I would like to see those goals through. I would like to see the organization thrive, in the sense that it has a felt presence in the community and a diverse membership. And I would like to see the publication thrive, in that it has readership and in that the community recognizes the publication’s importance as a forum for student expression and participates in that forum, using it to its full multimedia potential.

I would like to be the co-coordinator of the student group in order to better communicate with other student groups and better integrate myself personally, as well as the organization, into Student Activities. As co-coordinator, I would also like to learn more about leadership styles and techniques in order to better manage and organize membership as a whole, and better communicate with members on a more individual level.

As Editor in Chief, I would like to incorporate journalism more into the publication—not for the purpose or consideration of making the publication “professional,” but so as to recognize and journalistically represent important stories and issues on campus that affect students. To me, that means taking a more formal and organized approach to finding stories, interviewing, gathering information, and presenting the information in the most appropriate way, taking advantage of multimedia capabilities whenever possible.

In both the role of co-coordinator and Editor in Chief, it will be necessary to develop at least a decent working relationship with the new advisor of the CPJ. I would consider it my responsibility, as well as the responsibility of the other co-coordinator/ business manager to make sure that the advisor not only understands the difference between the CPJ organization and the CPJ publication, but also comprehends the necessity and reasoning behind the imminent and complete shift to a solely web-based publication.

I see great potential in cooperpointjournal.com. I would like to be able to explore not only the website’s inherent capabilities, but also our use of that potential; that is, I would like to answer the question, What can we do to best make use of our website, that also best serves and informs the Evergreen community? Furthermore, I would like to explore how better to garner an obvious, collective community interest in cooperpointjournal.com and its content.

 

Year 3, Quarter 3 and some questions about ethics

Last year at this time I was in France. I was on my second week with my host family, all of whom I loved dearly. I miss France terribly, but luckily I am so busy lately that I hardly have time to think about that.

I’ve been working more than I thought was possible– schoolwork, that is. I’m pretty much a despicable slacker when it comes to school, even when it involves my favorite subjects and things in which I have an invested interest. But in general, I have done pretty well with that major flaw– I have still accomplished a lot and learned a ton, made great friends and been able to continue relationships with teachers and mentors. However, I always wondered when all of that was going to catch up with me.

It’s not necessarily that it all caught up with me this quarter, but I certainly don’t have the freedoms that I did. I’m pursuing an ILC (Independent Learning Contract) this quarter with my advisor at the newspaper as subcontractor/sponsor. Her vast knowledge continually astounds me and I am really lucky to be working with her, especially since she is retiring after this quarter, which ends in June. But (and let me put this delicately…) this shit is fucking HARD. I haven’t worked so hard academically for such a sustained period of time in quite a while, maybe since high school, and I’m out of practice, to say the least.

My advisor has given me a certain amount of wiggle room in the past couple of weeks, but if I don’t figure out a time management system soon, there will be consequences and hell to pay. It doesn’t help, as I told her this morning, that I have a limited interest in information gathering and news journalism in general, and so far it’s difficult to get beyond the belief that I’m mainly just doing this contract for the benefit of my position at the newspaper. She maintains, however, that what I learn in this contract will carry through my entire life for the enrichment of my interaction with others and my own character building, and I believe her. I am going to stick it out and make the most of this experience.

The upshot of all this is that it seems like I’ve been doing a helluva lot of writing lately. I wrote a couple essays for…

oh wait, let me back up.

So I’ve applied to be the Editor in Chief of the Cooper Point Journal (the newspaper of the students of the Evergreen State College) for the 2011-2012 school year. I’m scared shitless.

That pretty much sums it up.

So I wrote a couple essays for that application, and I’ve written some papers about what I’ve been reading for my contract. I will post whatever I can here (if it doesn’t seem completely out of context).

Also, I would like your feedback on something, my dear, possibly fictional, readers: If or when I become the Editor in Chief, I will consider myself a journalist. Typically, journalists are advised to keep their own convictions and opinions under wraps, so that they don’t interfere with their ability to remain neutral with a story or an entire publication. The editor in chief needs to, in some ways, represent the integrity of their newspaper or publication, remaining neutral and impressionable on all fronts.

I have heard that journalists are required by the newspaper they work for to remove any and all political signs from his house or yard, remove bumper stickers, and not present any character-defining information or opinions online or in social networking media.

I have deleted a lot of information from my Facebook page and have considered deleting my Twitter account altogether. But the issue of my blog remains to be discussed. I can’t imagine not having this outlet, and I think it’s important for my creativity and my sanity for this blog to exist. But I haven’t thought much about how to keep it and still remain a credible editor. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated: should I delete the blog altogether? Should I keep it but make it private and only invite those I want to see my posts? I could make it private and encourage those who wish to see it to email me and I can invite them. Or should I just throw caution to the wind (because, let’s be honest, I don’t really express many opinions, let alone controversial ones, on this blog at all) and keep the thing?

And just out of curiosity, what do you all think of these unstated regulations of the impartiality of journalists? Are they legitimate? To what extent?

the good decisions, and the right ones.

This week I did something I’ve never done before: I dropped a class. Even worse, it was a creative writing class, which I took specifically because otherwise I had no writing outlet whatsoever, and I left my previous course because there wasn’t enough writing. I’m crazy, right? Well, I’m guilty.

At Evergreen it’s certainly not unheard of to dislike one’s class(es). We only have a week at the beginning of a trimester to switch out of it, and it’s nearly impossible to tell within that first week whether a class is going to be a bust. That’s especially true when you’re in evening and weekend classes that only meet once a week. How is one to know in one class session whether it’s going to be a good fit?! Well, something tells me that if I continued to be a serial class-switcher, I’d become adept enough to discover the secret. Anyway, after that first week, we’re stuck in whatever class(es), for better or for worse. Usually that’s not too bad– there is something to gain from the readings or seminars for which you can be grateful even if you do know by week 2 that you’re bolting. In my last class, for instance, I knew pretty early in the trimester that I was going to switch, but I also was able to get a ton out of the material and professors. I loved the media we were exposed to and the faculty. But I knew that in the long run, I wouldn’t be able to get what I wanted from the class.

So it’s not uncommon to dislike classes, but it is very uncommon to drop them in the middle of a term. No one does that– like, the class has to be really unbearable for that, or maybe a close family member passed away or something. No one does that. So if you know me, you would know that I’m feeling pretty guilty about it. I know I did the right thing (trust me, I can’t imagine sitting through the class again), but I do have a ton of respect for the teacher, and not just because he’s a published (and well-recognized) poet and author.

I won’t get any credits for the class (I will get 12 instead of 16 credits), but I’m not losing any money (the tuition is the same for 4-16 credits) and I am gaining time– much needed time, for my various hobbies-turned-addictions: Sweet Adelines and the Cooper Point Journal.

Yeah, don’t get me started.

The moral of the story, kids, is that even though I did something unprecedented that made me feel kind of shitty (er, shoddy), I made the decision that best suited me, and at some point I know that will feel good.

Be quintessential.

Sometimes there is nothing I love more than being a college student. That’s sort of comforting, in a way, because I am a college student, so it’s not like I have to go out of my way to love being myself. That feels pretty good.

But I especially love it when I am the college student I always wanted to be– the quintessential one who listens to Bob Dylan records on her turntable (“Shot of Love” right now), goes to the library to look at the music section for fun, and reads Nietzsche without any irony. Sometimes I purposefully do some of those things just to feel more like I am going somewhere in life. Regardless of what I’ve done and studied and written in the past 2 years, sometimes I still feel like I’m 17, still naive and still waiting for the “real” college life to begin. On days like today I realize I’m genuinely already there.

I get that feeling most when I’m using all the resources that my college and city have to offer. It may sound obvious, but when I do things like take notes out of a library book or scour the library shelves for some obscure topic or go to a college-presented concert or talk, I feel so much more… me. You know how some people are born to be mothers  or doctors or something? I’m pretty sure I was meant to be a student. And even though I still sort of cringe when I think about being a teacher, I realize that that may be my only opportunity to remain a student my entire life. Otherwise I’d never be able to keep traveling and writing for fun, for the purpose of learning and not just for a paycheck.

When I go to a library, I’m hit with the sheer magnitude of all the information in the world, and how little of it I will actually come in contact with or process, let alone retain. That’s sort of depressing, in itself, but it’s also pretty motivational. I can read more and learn more! I can make a dent in the veritable Great Wall of New Information!

Artist (n.)

My class wrote brief papers last week about what we thought it meant to be an artist. This is what I wrote:

+++++++++++

When I studied abroad in France last spring quarter, I spent two weeks focused on defining art. With as much as I did and thought during those two weeks and since then, I came up with a “definition” that seems to satisfy me: art is the product of a conscious or unconscious creative effort that inspires or touches at least one viewer (or listener, etc.). If it “touches” someone, I mean that that person reacts to the art in some way, perhaps with an emotion, memory, or art of his or her own.

So though I’m sure it would/will take me at least as long to “define an artist, at this point I believe an artist is the person who produces art, the product of a conscious or unconscious creative effort. There doesn’t have to be an intention to “produce art,” but there does have to be a creative urge and the intention to make the effort and follow through with it—as in, beginning to make the physical representation of a creative urge.

For instance… during the break, there were two guys behind me playing guitar, and in ten minutes they managed to play the intros to three of my favorite songs. I can be fairly sure they didn’t intend to inspire me, and they certainly didn’t know their efforts were going to be recognized in my paper, but it’s a perfect example of the cycle of creativity and artistry that I imagine when I think of the inspiration feeding art. The guy playing guitar is suddenly and artist (as recognized by me) because he created something that inspired me. Perhaps his subtle compensation is my recognition, even if he doesn’t know it.

Joy

I wrote this as an essay for my current program at The Evergreen State College, called Music and Movement in Nature and Culture. It incorporates songwriting, dance, ethnomusicology, and anthropology. So far, I’m loving it. I get to dance once a week and read a lot about things that interest me. There isn’t much literature, but I guess I’m ok with that.

For our first creative writing assignment, we wrote papers about a scar we had. This is my paper:

——————————————–

Would you like to phone a friend?

I don’t pray; I never have. I think Nietzsche had a better idea when he said that instead of praying, we would do better “to think how one can give joy to at least one person that day” every morning when we wake up.  Even when it comes to pain and wounds, I was never in the practice of asking God to heal mine or help me.

All that could have changed on one November morning in 2007.

It was my senior year of high school. I was 17, and like most people my age, I’d been told it was time for the routine wisdom tooth extraction procedure. I only deeded to have three taken out, but I also chose to get my phrenullae cut. The phrenullae are web-like pieces of skin that connect the tongue to the bottom jaw and the lips to the gums. Looking back, I can’t remember why on earth I thought I needed to get that done, except that a dentist or two once said it might help get rid of my slight lisp and maybe help me articulate and sing better.

At that point, I trusted dentists. I’d never had cavities, so they were just people who cleaned my teeth and occasionally took x-rays. I loved my orthodontist, so even having braces didn’t make me hate having people mess around in my mouth.

That did change on one November morning in 2007.

I can’t see the scars in my mouth, but I don’t need to be reminded that there were stitches to know they’re there. I’d had plenty of drugs that morning, but it wasn’t supposed to require complete sedation… until they started sticking needles under my tongue. The fact that I have a fear of needles shouldn’t matter. No one should have Novacaine shot in that highly sensitive area under the tongue. Soon tears were streaming down my face and I couldn’t breathe. Doctors and nurses were swarming around me with needles and scalding hot washcloths that were supposed to raise veins on my hands so they could stick even more needles in my for the IV. I associated IVs with my grandma, who had spent quite a bit of time in pain and in and out of hospitals, and had died a few years earlier. Tears rolled even faster down my cheeks.

The last thing I remember before I lost consciousness was the oral surgeon sitting next to me, holding my fingers and looking serious. Then he said, “would you like to pray with me?”

A few days later, while I was watching Disney movies in pain despite the Vicodin, I remembered the doctor’s offer and told my parents. My mother, “spiritual agnostic” that she is, was appalled. As soon as I was well enough (probably after a week, though my tongue was sore and swollen for about two), she made an appointment to talk with the oral surgeon. I think the pretense was “discussing my recovery,” which was longer and more painful than it should have been anyway. She drove while practicing her speech, which she had rehearsed in front of my father, aunt, uncle, and grandparents while they nodded and said “uh-huh” in the appropriate places.

Don’t get me wrong, I completely supported her decision and her speech. I wholeheartedly agreed with it— for a doctor to ask a patient to pray with him or her is completely unprofessional and uncalled for. Plus, suggesting that I ask a higher power for assistance, as traumatized as I was, did not settle my nerves at all.

But I was mortified. I was inclined to laugh off the incident and add it to my “oh, those silly Christians” repertoire. After all, the surgeon had my best interests in mind, right? He was only being considerate, just in case I hadn’t thought of my lifeline to phone a friend?

The term for the doctor’s response would have been that he was “politely surprised.” I think he said that it had never been an issue before and that he had never considered that it might offend someone. And then I think my mom said something like, “damn straight,” and he probably said that he would keep it in mind for the future. No matter—the harm inflicted upon me wasn’t from his offer to pray with me; it was from the panic and trauma I felt physically.

Maybe God could have helped me. Maybe if I had prayed, my recovery time would have been shorter. Maybe if I had prayed, I wouldn’t hate dentists so much now. Maybe that’s what the doctor was thinking all along. But then maybe I wouldn’t like Nietzsche so much.

The *real* most wonderful time of the year

• I made fudge today for the first time. It was ridiculously easy, and it turned out great. Chocolate with pecans. Yum.
• Tomorrow I get to see Bob Dylan LIVE. I am so, so excited. I hope to review it, not that I’m going to have much to say. That blog entry will probably just go like this: “Ahhhh it was so amazing, and he was incredible, except that I was so far away that I couldn’t see much of anything, and the binoculars didn’t help much.” Yeah.
• I am so tired of listening to the radio in my car that I did away with the whole system, preferring instead to use my tape deck adapter for my iPod. It’s a hassle to hook it up every time I get in the car, but it’s better. I just put the whole thing on shuffle, and it’s a whole lot more satisfying than the terrible selection on the radio. I’ve been so disappointed with it lately, what with the commercials and the overplayed songs. Ugh. But I will have to tune in every once in a while to get the *good* new songs.
• It’s cold. It’s September (well… in t-2 hours and 10 minutes). I love it. This is my favorite time of year, and my favorite place to spend it. I know exactly which trees change to which colors at which times. Fall fashion is my absolute favorite, always. I love the way fall looks on my dog’s nose. Trust me, you would know what I’m talking about if you knew my dog. I love the food. I love the way it feels to get into bed at night. I love the way it feels to put on jeans after a summer of shorts. I love the start of the new TV show season, even if I hate the actual shows and TV itself. I love being able to wear hats and scarves again. But most of all, I love the fact that once again, it’s time for school to start. I love the back-to-school clothing sales. I love the school supply sales… the mini staplers, the new shades of highlighters, the index cards on metal rings that you would never, ever use, and even above that, THE POST-IT NOTES. I mean, how many varieties ARE there?!

Look!

Pastel! Neon! Ultra! Tropical! Nature’s Hues! — And that’s just the *notes*! Just wait for the dispensers! And the labels! And the flags! It NEVER ENDS!!

And then, once you are fully equipped with dozens of each item that won’t actually help you succeed at academics, you get to choose your classes, order your books, pretend to start reading them ahead of time, practice taking fake notes about them. You put your name and phone number on all your school supplies (and email address, just for good measure).

And after all that preparation, you still have those first-day jitters when you walk around campus again, meeting new peers and teachers… and when you receive your first few assignments, they’re the ones you actually do, the only ones during the whole semester that you’re actually psyched to complete… because you have new pens with which to write your rough draft, and you just got new printer paper.

Life is great.

Happy fall, everyone :)

Essay 4: Heuristic Analysis

Essay Prompt: Johnstone’s Discourse Analysis presents a heuristic for exploring discourse. These are listed on page 10 and each is developed in a separate chapter. Choose one of these and present your own understanding of it by drawing on our reading, the projects you have done, and our discussions. You should carefully consider the points Johnstone raises, but this question requires your own synthesis of the materials and not a reiteration of the points she makes.

——

4:             Heuristic: Discourse is shaped by participants, and discourse shapes participants. (Johnstone, 2008, p.10)

This heuristic is so all-encompassing that it’s almost like using a term in its own definition. However, I am especially interested in it because it seems to incorporate H. Paul Grice’s maxims of conversation. The most fascinating part to me about what we’ve learned this quarter about discourse and linguistics is the way we are so blind to the way we operate. Invariably, I have at least one of Grice’s maxims running through my head at any given time that I am talking to someone, and that has been true since long before I even knew what Grice’s maxims were. I know that I change and grow because of my discussions with people, and that was true even before I learned that Barbara Johnstone believed that I can, in turn, change and shape discourse.

“Conversational conventions… allow the various sentence meanings to be sensibly combines into discourse meaning and integrated with context” (Fromkin, Rodman, and Hyams, 2007, p. 205).  If these conversational maxims are the most fundamental level from which we build discourse, they are also the level at which it is broken down. They are not rules, but they do carry a substantial weight, greater than indexicalities, style, behavior, and other tools we use create discourse. The maxims are an explanation of how we understand each other. Without body language, implicature, and harmony, if we upheld the maxims we would still be able to understand each other.

To change or flout Grice’s maxims is to shape our discourse. For instance, the word “dude” violates the maxim of quantity, which means to “say neither more nor less than the discourse requires.” No discourse requires the word “dude,” but by adding it we shaped discourse. Now, the word “dude” has social implications; with different tones it can create solidarity or detachment. It influences what we think about equality and our own identities. We shaped our discourse by breaking down a conversational maxim, but now our discourse is shapes us when we have to pay attention to how we use the word, its context, to whom we are speaking, and our “cool solidarity,” as Kiesling puts it (Johnstone, 2008, p. 286).

Look what’s shaping up now.

Essay #3: Project Idea/Proposal

Essay Prompt: Present a project design of your own to explore a question you have about naturally occurring conversation. The response to this question will have two sections, Introduction and Methodology. You may build on research you have done for your final project, any previous projects, or you may choose a new project. Write a one-paragraph introduction which draws upon our work in this program to explain why your project is important. End this section with a research question or hypothesis. Then explain your methodology. How will you gather data? How will you choose your participants in the study? If you will ask your participants questions, list them. If you ask participants to discuss something, provide the prompt. Will you record data at the moment or later? Will you audio tape or videotape? Be very specific. Include in your explanation of methodology the crucial explanation of why, in your view, the methodology you have chosen will provide the answer to your research question.

——–

3:            Introduction:

Project Description: You will be recording a meeting, transcribing a section of that recording, and analyzing the transcription. Videotape a student group meeting for at least 20 minutes. This student group should have at least five members present at the meeting (there should be men and women) and they should have a prepared agenda for their meeting with at least two topics to discuss or on which to make decisions. After the meeting, analyze your video recording carefully, and select for your transcription a discussion about one of the topics on the agenda, in which at least two members spoke. For your analysis, use both your transcription and the video recording, and answer the following question: What discourse methods, styles, and behaviors does each speaker exhibit in order to address the agenda topic and finalize the issue?

Importance to the program: I think this would be a very interesting topic, particularly because of my involvement with a student group myself. I was very careful to make this assignment different from the one we did analyzing the seminar discussion. The idea of addressing a certain topic and the pressure to come to a definitive conclusion about it is fascinating and very distinct—I don’t believe it is something that happens in a seminar. It’s one thing to sit in a seminar and be able to talk at length about a certain topic, but students don’t need to make decisions or even come to final conclusions… or at least not on behalf of anyone but themselves. So I think that to analyze students getting business done in the student group setting would be very compelling. I would also be interested in what (if any) type of government this group would use, because this will affect how each person is involved in the discussion and decision-making process. Do they have a leader who will make the ultimate decision, but not without some input of other members first? Do they need to reach a consensus? Do they take a vote?

Methodology: Though I’d love to analyze a Cooper Point Journal meeting from a linguistic standpoint, I would record the Geoduck Union for this project. I would be especially interested in stance and face-saving acts, but I would also focus on backchannelling, politeness, and hedging. These would show up in how people expressed their opinions, how they made motions about the topics at hand, and how they changed subjects. Then I would examine how effective all this was by seeing what decisions they reached, how they reached them, and the timeliness of their decision (based on their agenda).

I wouldn’t do any extra research on the Geoduck Union before going in or doing the transcription and analysis, because I would like to do the project with few preconceptions. However, maybe in the last step of my analysis, I would look up whether any members had any special roles in the Union or in that meeting to determine how they used those roles.

Essay #2: Men & Women

Essay Prompt: Do men and women talk differently? Choose a response to this yes/no question and support it with at least three studies cited in your text, Language and Gender. In your response, take into account the argument -that Eckert and McConnell-Ginet present, which is summarized in chapter 9.

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2:            To Penelope Eckert and Sally McConnell-Ginet, the issue doesn’t seem to be whether men and women talk differently—that is a resounding “yes,” with which I agree—but rather what creates these differences. The differences don’t seem to be  distinguished by our sex, but by our gender. We indicate this with the words we use and even in our appearances. This is the concept which Eckert and McConnell-Ginet refer to as “gender performativity” (2003, p. 315). Judith Butler (1990) argues similarly that the idea of gender that influences the differences in our talk as men and women doesn’t come from being male or female (or having a “’core’ gender identity”), but rather from carrying the roles of a gender. “… It is those [gendered] activities that create the illusion of a core. … Those expressions of gender are deployments of linguistic resources” (Eckert, McConnell-Ginet, 2003, p.316).

These “gendered activities” also give us the notions of style and behavior that are specific to one gender or another. When we say that men and women talk differently, we are examining styles and behaviors and assigning them to one gender or another. To say that a woman talks like a woman, we are saying that her speech uses feminine styles and behaviors.

For instance, one style that Eckert and McConnell-Ginet say is feminine is a very forward pronunciation of the “s” phoneme, which is said right behind the upper front teeth. “The phonological system, which carrying no content in itself, is a potent resource for encoding social meanings” (Eckert, McConnell-Ginet, 2003, p. 62). Because we tend to interpret this “s” sound as prissy or feminine, we might think that men who use it are more feminine, or gay. We develop subconscious expectations about how masculine men should pronounce the /s/, even extending to  suppositions about a man’s sexual orientation. Knowing this, a man might change the way he pronounces the /s/ in order to give the right social meaning.

An even more subtle way of indexing and presenting gender through talk is facework.

“…It is in conversation that we work out who we are in relation to others, and who others will allow us to be. The individual connects to the social world at the nexus where we balance who we want to be with who others will allow us to be. … Gender ideology and assumed gender identity enter into shaping both the face individuals want to project and the face others are willing to ascribe to them” (Eckert, McConnell-Ginet, 2003, p. 59).

A major audience for our interactions is the opposite sex (and usually the opposite gender), and the idea of saving face for the other gender is very important. It is this concept that encourages women to pronounce a feminine /s/, raise the pitch of their voice, and even carry their gender through their outward appearance. Eckert and McConnell-Ginet demonstrate that gender is a fundamental shaper of discourse, whether it is subtle or overtly obvious.

Essay #1: Identity

Essay Prompt: In this program we have been exploring the argument that we construct our identity, in part, through conversation. Our identity is not something that we develop internally, but a construct that we create and maintain moment by moment through everyday talk by drawing on linguistic resources, including silence. Look back at our readings and choose at least three chapters or journal articles that you find particularly useful because of the evidence provided. Then, present an argument for the social construction of identity drawing on the evidence you have chosen.

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1:             Being one of the dudes: something humans are striving for on a daily basis, whether we know it or not.  Showing solidarity with people is something that is so inherently important to us that we don’t realize we’re doing it simply by saying the word “dude.”  Studies have shown that students, both male and female, use it for commiseration and confrontation (Kiesling, 2004). Indexing masculinity is very important to a man’s identity, both in what his peers think of him and what he thinks of himself. In fact, Scott Kiesling even coined the term “cool solidarity” to refer to the ways the men use the word “dude” to talk to each other (p.286). Kiesling states, “Dude thus carries indexicalities of both solidarity (camaraderie) and distance (nonintimacy) and can be deployed to create both of these kinds of stance, separately or together” (2004, p. 286).

Barbara Johnstone makes a more general observation that, “People constantly create and renegotiate their relationships with each other in the process of interacting, via discourse moves that make claims to equality, inequality, solidarity, or detachment” (2008, p. 139). In transforming our identity, we are always analyzing how we are similar to and different from others, and using our analyses to shape our discourse. For instance, the more differences we notice about another person from the beginning, the more likely it is that we will form a detached relationship with them through our conversations.

It is these interactions that base further conversation, which is where we build even more ideas about “equality, inequality, solidarity, or detachment.” We find more that we have in common, push boundaries, and make more choices about what to say or not say. Johnstone says, “…however people’s linguistic resources and choices are limited by the ways in which their behavior forms part of the whole ecology of human social life – the fact that participants in discourse are individual human beings means that discourse is fundamentally creative” (2008, p. 157).  Our creativity embodies our identity, and vice versa; even if we limit our creativity by conforming to social norms (like saying “dude”), we are able to make that choice and are therefore using creativity to develop an identity.

Using the word “dude” and repeating other catch phrases, which Ferrara (2004) is quoted by Johnstone as calling “mirroring” and “echoing,” and which is also called backchannelling, “can create rapport, the feeling of harmony among interlocutors which, it can be argued, is one of the primary functions of conversation” (Johnstone, 2008, p. 173). This feeling of harmony is, if not the real goal for any conversation, a genuinely rewarding byproduct of discourse that indicates solidarity. We learn to generate this harmony, thus creating identity.

Forced Constraint

I am SO TIRED. But not sleep-deprived. I am tired of doing the bare minimum, tired of having limitations. Life would be so much better if I didn’t have to conform, if I could do whatever I wanted in my writing. For examples, I should post on here my take-home exam essays–the ones I COULD have written, and the ones I actually wrote.

I have a couple friends who were in this class called Creativity and Constraint last year, and because of their experience I understand why constraints can be beneficial in writing. But I think they are more just an exercise to get creative juices flowing, not a way to actually choose to write. In other words, putting constraints on a piece of writing should be a last resort. At least, that’s the way I learn.

Even though you may have no background knowledge of linguistics, gender studies, discourse analysis, or other variables of speech, I invite you to read the essays I recently wrote on the subjects.

Using class for real-life application, take one: a face-threatening act.

I just met someone who took a class from my teacher (we’ll call her Fiskars), and thought she was talking about some elements of the class that she disliked, she wasn’t saying anything terribly negative about Fiskars, either. We agreed on most things about the class, but finally I had to say something about Fiskars.

I didn’t know the girl I was talking to at all, so I didn’t know whether she was the type who would have liked Fiskars or not. Plus, since she was talking pretty positively about the elements of the class but carefully avoiding the subject of Fiskars, I thought I had pretty good reason to believe that she might have liked Fiskars.

However, I couldn’t resist. She said something about transcriptions and I said “yeah” noncommittally, gearing up to risking my face… then I said “yeah, not a big fan.” Of course, the girl thought I was talking about transcriptions, which was my fault, so she had to say, “oh, I actually rather liked them,” and I had to say, “oh, me too… I was talking about [Fiskars].”

I was so wrapped up in being nervous about my face that I can’t even remember how she responded. I guess that means I didn’t have to save my face afterwards, though.

It was an interesting interaction. Finally, I was able to have the presence of mind to realize what was going on while it was actually happening, and to observe myself in the process.

Play. Laugh. Grow.

Lately, I’ve had this near-constant feeling of wanting to GET UP AND GO. Maybe you know it: where your butt starts tingling after sitting in a chair for longer than a half hour, and your feet keep twitching, and you look at pictures of Paris and nearly cry.

I know I’m going abroad in the spring, and I’m having lots of fun in Oly and at my apartment and with my friends. And honestly, even though I have the drive, I don’t really have the energy to do much other than just watch other people do amazing things. Eventually I will get to do them, too.

I have a bunch of friends who aren’t in college, and I read a bunch of websites about internships and jobs at all the places I would like to eventually be, like NYTimes, magazines, Pandora.com, and lots of others. In some ways I feel cooped up being in college, in one apartment, one town, one state… with still the same life goals. I don’t have any regrets about getting an education now, but because it’s so expensive and because I hate my class so much, I do wonder if there are many other things I could be working at. I really value the experience I’m getting with the paper (and the advisor talked to me again the other day about becoming editor-in-chief, which is insanely exciting), but I can’t help thinking all the time about the fact that I don’t actually want to work at a paper!

Earlier in the quarter I was telling my parents that usually at college, it’s so easy to just take random classes and get tons of credits and lose sight of where exactly you’re going in an education. You have to plan for what credits to get, but other than that, you’re just taking a bunch of unrelated classes that eventually are supposed to come together and sync up with what you’re interested in. But at Evergreen, it’s harder to not think about your eventual life and academic goals all the time during a program and during the year. If you can’t see where you’re going, why are you in that program? If you’re not connecting to your more broad (or more specific) academic focus, what are you doing?!

That’s why it’s so frustrating that I’m in this program and I’m being restricted to not involve my long-term interests.

So maybe I just feel antsy because of my academic frustrations. That would make a lot of sense. Also, Thanksgiving break is coming up, so hopefully I will get my kicks out then.

Mama said there wouldn’t be days like this.

If you’re at Evergreen:

and a teacher says “fair effort,” something is wrong.

and a teacher says, “you’ll want to know this, if for no other reason than that it will be on the test.”

and a teacher says, “you can’t do that project; that’s not what we’re studying in this class” or “that’s not what we’re interested in.”

and you don’t feel creative

or you feel restricted

or you’re not sure where you’re going

or you don’t feel like you can talk to your faculty…

I say, GET OUT NOW. Problem is, that would be hypocritical, because I’m stuck in that situation and CAN’T get out. At least, not without dropping 12 credits, which is extremely problematic.

La-la-la-la-lovely

I just finished making a batch of delectable wheat-free almond spice cookies. They’re positively amazing, not to brag or anything. They’re better than any of the wheat-free cookies I’ve ever had, and better than any of the cookies I’ve had made with rice flour, which is very heavy and leaves a questionable aftertaste. I found the recipe in one of my mom’s Yoga Journals and made them with millet flour, tapioca flour, and potato flour starch, along with many spices and sugar and yumminess.

Turns out, they’re not as good the next day. But I remain impressed with myself that I actually got off my ass and made something that I’m proud of. yay me!

I’ve been so extremely lazy lately. I’m housesitting and don’t have internet at the house, so all I can do is walk the dog and play with her, read, and watch tv, and I can write articles if I happen to get an assignment.

Ew. I’m sitting in a coffee shop and all these people are around me with whom I went to school for various years are talking and they’re loud and sigggghhhhhhh. I’m pretty sure they all go to U of I now. And this girl is dressed like she’s a freshman in high school, yet she just announced that she’s “technically a junior” in college. She dropped one of her majors and moved up, apparently. I am SO glad I don’t have to worry about all that crap. People give me funny looks when I tell them I don’t have majors or grades or anything, but it is a complete blessing.

You know that science class you took in high school, with that science teacher you didn’t particularly care for, in which you had to memorize all those chemicals and then get tested on them, where you have to pass in order to receive a very meaningless letter grade that is your ticket to the next dull, tedious class that you may or may not have any interest in? And then, to your horror, it continues in college! College, where you are supposed to be able to choose whichever classes you like, and you are guaranteed to like them since they fit your major! But noooo, you have to go through more and more meaninglessness with those stupid required classes that may or may not have anything to do with your desired path of study and subsequent career, but you are assured that “at some point” they will be relevant, just like many teachers in high school told you that “one day” that math would come in handy. ha.

I love my school.

The Bellow of the Blast

Procrastination, take 2.

Today my class program put on Oedipus Rex, and I played Creon in the first third. It was a success, and we just got done with our cast party. We broke off early because we all had to write a 20 page paper by tomorrow. YIKES. 

Luckily, mine is on music (specifically, singing), and I’m very excited about it… however, I just cannot get started with a good lead to get me really into it. I’m toying with the idea of taking adderall, but my parents said that would kind of be a cop-out, so I’m attempting to do what I can without it. Which, so far, isn’t much.

It honestly isn’t for lack of trying this time– I must have fifty beginnings in the works, but alas, all have come to naught.

Anyway, I will post it when I’m done, and probably keep you updated. 

Does anyone have their own tactics on how to get started on essays, or articles, or any creative endeavor?

Title courtesy of Gilbert & Sullivan.

Wear Your Love Like Heaven

As I’d anticipated, my class IS killing me this quarter. Luckily, that project we have to do is a little more enjoyable since my subject is my Godmother, Rita Wilde. I have to write a 10 to 20 page paper and do the project part. So I’m putting together a magazine-ish newsletter-ish thing, with a clip of one of her shows for the audio part, if I can. I’m really stoked about it, and I found Adobe Creative Suite 4 Design Premium at our campus bookstore for INSANELY cheap, so now I have Photoshop and InDesign and everything I need! 

Other than that… my class is running my life. Oh, except for the school paper, which is also running my life. We have meetings 3 days a week, not to mention production night. I spend at least as much time there as I do at class each week. And I get paid $14 a week. And for all my complaining, I’m looking at taking on another position! All my friends tell me to quit. But it’s what I want to do, and it’s good experience, and whether they like it or not I AM making more money than they are :P So maybe they’re just jealous… doubtful. 

I might get a tattoo next weekend. I know what design I want and my heart is set on that. I also know where I want it. And I don’t think I’d ever regret it, because it would be hidden most of the time (it would be just below my collarbone, and be about 3 inches tall; it’s a treble clef with a peace sign inside it) and it means a lot to me. I love music and I love peace, so I don’t think I could go wrong with that. But that doesn’t stop my brain from thinking “is it right?” Like, I’m waiting for the right moment or the right circumstance to get it (maybe when I’m in LA with my godmother), and that may never come. Or if it does, I could always just get another one. I like tattoos; if they’re tasteful and not too obvious, I think they can be gorgeous, and an awesome form of art. So I have nothing against it. And it’s not like anyone I know or anyone in my family would look at me with disgust or something. And I’d still be able to get a job, for heaven’s sake.

I want it, hands down. But then there’s the pain. Which I hear actually is not too bad. So that would be ok… I think. Blah, I just don’t know. 

The latest thing is that this girl I knew through Jazz Ensemble in high school recently texted me and asked if it was ok if she took one of my best friends to prom. I don’t want her to… but of course I can’t actually tell her that. And she said it came up because my friend told her I might get mad if she took him. I’m sure he was kidding… but one of my friends here thinks that he was using me as an excuse to get out of going with her. I’m totally fine with that. But… ok, here’s what I want:

1. To tell him that I’m fine with him going with her… but have it be pretty obvious to him that I would not be totally ok with it and that he shouldn’t go with her.

2. For him to be ok with using me as an excuse all he wants.

3. For her to think that I’m actually totally fine with him going with her.

4. For him to NOT go with her.

I feel so selfish. And obviously, 2 and 3 contradict each other, and I have absolutely no control over #4. So, the best I can do is go with #1… screw it if that makes me seem like a bitch to her. After all, by Idaho standards I AM a bitch. ha.

Anyway, I’m going to talk to him first, I think. That makes sense because he’s my first priority. :P We shall see.

In other areas of my life, hmmm…

I am having tons of fun making random playlists in iTunes. I use the weird categories to make cool mix CDs for my mom. She eats that stuff up, because she’ll go on road trips and then she has tons of music to listen to. I wish I could put the playlists on here… but I put so much hard work into them and don’t want them to get stolen! Haha, just kidding. I will put them up at some point. Some of them are genius, if I do say so myself. Especially if you knew my mom’s taste.

By the way, I just want to say… ALMOST 1000 HITS! That is fantastic, thanks everyone who looks at my page. I’m still working on getting an actual writing job so that I can put some interesting content on here (and make some money!). :P

(Title courtesy of Donovan. On an unrelated note, my car is named Donovan. And I’m getting my car after spring break!)

What I Want.

This year (or, I should say, last year) I created my wish list right after the holiday my family celebrates known as Christmas to most other people. It didn’t make any sense, but i let myself go wild. The sky was the limit, and it was very liberating. I think I was only able to do it because of the money I got as gifts, which gave me a few new possibilities. 

I guess I got so into that idea that I forgot to make a New Year’s resolution. I hate those anyway, but they’re just kind of obligatory. So I decided that I need to become more assertive and notice when I really feel a certain way about something. I’ve been trying it and for the most part I don’t feel any different, so I’m a little concerned that I’m not “doing it right.” But even just keeping it in mind makes me feel a little more in control of myself, which I do really like. 

It feels nice to be liked by other people, but mostly I like to love myself. Which happens rarely… hence my resolution. Anyway, lately I’ve felt really liked, and luckily I’m able to say that I like all the people who like me! That can be rare, I hear. I was recently approached by a couple friends who want me to live with them this summer and next year, and the arrangement sounds fantastic. But I’ve also talked a ton with one of my friends about living with her next year. And I have another friend I want to live with as well. Those two friends don’t get along very well, or at least they wouldn’t if they were living together, and I can’t make a decision between the three. Plus, my parents have expressed their desire for me to live on campus next year, which is the last thing I want to do. I realize it’s an experience everyone has to have, but I am sooo over it. So it’s a hard decision.

Things that have been on my mind…

I would kill to go to the inauguration. oh my gawd. I was looking up ticket prices and they’re outrageous, but I would do anything to be able to go. The musician lineup is incredible too. And then there’s Barack…

My class is going to kill me this quarter. We have a huge quarter long project where we study a character, and I want to do mine on my godmother, but I don’t know if she’s be down for it, and I haven’t talked to her about it. And she’s the only person I’ve really been excited about interviewing and stuff.

What else…

Aristotle simply can suck it. argh.

But on a better note… tomorrow is Tuesday, and I sing then : )

Waiting is the hardest part

So right now, I am lamenting the fact that my suitemate started blasting her incredibly annoying music MUCH too early. Well… it was, like, 9:30 ish. But still, I intended to sleep til 11! Maybe it was karma… it’s probably for my own good… but the annoying music? Not the best way to get the point across. (*Curses the heavens*). Seriously, it was like screamo Native American music. WTF, mate?!

Anyway, seriously, it was probably for the best. Now I have my own, really awesome, music on (Cat Stevens–who can argue with that?!) and I’m working up to revising an essay and working on the first draft of my self evaluation. 

In accordance with Evergreen’s unique system, they skip the whole finals week thing in lieu of Evaluation Week. Yes, it’s deserving of capitals. And for those of you who may be from other schools, and may be thinking, “psshhhhh, it can’t be worse than what I’m undergoing for finals week!” think again. Eval Week is at least as strenuous.

Before I go all out in describing what Eval Week entails, understand that this is specifically for my program and most other freshman programs I have been hearing of. Other upperclassmen have had other experiences, but for the most part I think the administration tries to keep things uniform for freshmen. 

First, one must put together a portfolio for the class. This is usually a binder with everything one has ever been handed, ever completed, ever written, etc. For me, this includes handouts, “sincwas” (seminar in class writing assignments), essays (we have four), and critiques of our and others’ essays, all in chronological order. 

Lovely.

brb

Tell me, where do the children play?

I’m back! things are incredibly hectic here. This is a summary of what’s been going on… it was originally an email to my lit teacher from back home : )

My class is very good… It used to be absolutely amazing, and then it got a little monotonous, but it will pick up. My seminar leader IS definitely amazing, though, and I couldn’t hope for better. I recently talked to him to see if I could stay in his seminar next quarter, because I don’t like any of the other three teachers as much at all. Communication goes a looong way at this school! My schedule is like this:

Tuesday AM: Lecture or workshop. If it’s a lecture, it means that one of the teachers (we have 4) stands up and talks about how the book we’re reading relates to his or her general field of study. One of the teachers is an anthropologist, so when we were reading Things Fall Apart (Chinua Achebe), she talked about what culture meant to people and how it is formed. If we have a workshop, it means that we break into small groups (4 or 5 people) and discuss specific aspects of a book, like how the language works, or how metaphors add to the text as a whole, or comparisons and contrasts with other things we’ve read. 

Tuesday PM: Seminar. This goes much like our lit discussions last year. The group is about 20 students plus the seminar leader, and he does as little “leading” as possible. We pose questions that came to us during reading, and then talk about those, and discuss and sometimes argue. More specifically, we look at the characters and their actions, decisions, and words (since the class is called “Character Studies.”)

Wednesday AM: Writing Seminar… possibly my favorite class time in the whole week. We have an essay due every other week, usually about 4 or 5 pages long. So one week, half the seminar (group A) will submit their rough drafts, and the other half of the seminar will critique the papers and make comments. The following week, group A gives the seminar leader their final drafts, and group B submits their rough drafts, etc. It is SO helpful and interesting to see everyone progress!

Friday AM: Seminar.

Friday PM: Lecture or wrap-up session. We have cookies and tea and we talk : ) it’s great! Sometimes we watch a movie instead.

Life is great outside of class too : ) a couple weeks ago I got a position on the newspaper staff. I applied for three: Copy editor, letters and opinions coordinator, and page proofer. I got the position of page proofer and I love it! I didn’t even know when I applied that it was a paying position, but it is! I’m still not sure how much it pays, but I’m just happy to have a little income, so anything is nice. The paper comes out once a week, and I pretty much only have a task on production nights, which is Wednesday… so on Wednesdays I’m working on the paper until at least 3 AM. But it works out perfectly because I don’t have class on Thursdays! Also, I look at the pages once they’re printed, so I don’t have to be looking at a screen the whole time, which I love. 

Dorm life is good too… I live on the top floor of the highest dorm, which happens to be the highest point in Olympia : ) All I can see out my window are the tops of very green trees, which is so calming. There are only five people on our floor, which is nice and quiet. The top floor is reserved for high schoolers who come and stay the night, so we get to meet a few of them and encourage them to come to Evergreen. The food is not as good as any of us hoped, but there are a few options, so we can usually find something we’re happy with. 

I don’t have as much spare time as I hoped… we have at least one book to read every week and an essay to either write or revise (my dad still helps me with essays! it’s so great!).

Ner-cited

Nervousness is a feeling like no other. Even if you’ve experienced it a ton, it always seems to hit surprisingly fast or hard, and it never feels normal. 

I’ve been nervous for the past 2 weeks straight. As in, every morning I have woken up and there is literally no time in between when I wake up and when I start feeling nervous. I’ve always been nervous before starting school, but never like this. If I stop thinking about it, the nervous feeling hides for a bit, but it never really goes away. 

I know this is normal, and I’m not really complaining or anything, but it does happen to be uncomfortable. And I’ll be glad when I get over it and am really able to settle down and be content. And then, I’ll be more excited than anything, and that’s much better.

When I was probably around 6, I coined the word “nercited,” which is plainly a mix of nervous and excited. I’ve heard lots of other people use it since then, but I still think I came up with the word to begin with. So there. 

Tomorrow I move in, and then begins a week of back-to-back activities, routines of meeting people, and getting introduced to the life without supervision thing. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually “grow character” or something. Especially because I’m taking a program called Character Studies… 

I’m trying to decide whether to get a Netflix account. It would be an extra $9 per month, but I’m making at least $10 per week, so I’ll still have a profit. I think it would be an excellent plan… If I have 1 dvd at a time, but unlimited per month, then it will work out to watching about 1 every week, which is probably good. And that’s cheaper than just renting them. Plus, I’m designating one night a week as Will and Grace night since I have all the seasons on my computer.

Combined with my eMusic subscription, I would be paying $20 a month for movies and music, but I think that’s totally worth it since I won’t be buying any CDs or movies, and I’ll be making a profit of at least $20 a month. Yay!

Article about TESC (The Evergreen State College)

This was written for a regional high-school newspaper with a selective staff. It’s a compilation of the optional essay I wrote for my application to the college, and another informative feature-like article I wrote about it.

In a bubble of ignorance, believing that school was supposed to be about competing for grades, doing meaningless homework, and taking even more pointless tests, I was frustrated when I visited Evergreen. Why couldn’t I have been left alone, left to choose a ‘traditional’ college and complete my education in a more ‘normal’ way? I could have persisted with learning little, retaining little and being unenthusiastic about the whole process.
Luckily, there was another alternative. After two weeks of debating with myself and discussing with my dad, I jumped. It was a leap of faith– faith in myself, and faith in Evergreen’s spectacular system (or refreshing lack thereof).

Almost every institute of higher learning proclaims a “one-of-a-kind” education of some sort. But Evergreen has the genuine raw appeal of a completely non-traditional atmosphere, though it’s definitely not for everyone. It is intriguing to students who have never questioned their school’s method of awarding grades or percentages.

Through high school, we’re trained to “strive” for the A, or maybe to accomplish “just” the B. But as anyone who has taken at least a semester of high school knows, the definition of a letter grade changes in every class. Do you really have to reach for that A in choir, like you do the one in math? Maybe you’re psyched for a C in history, but disappointed by a C in chemistry. With all the ambiguity and shape shifting of grades, it’s a wonder that we still put meaning in them. Then again, it’s so ingrained in all students that we just accept it.

Not at the Evergreen State College. No letter grades are assigned, no numbers. Nothing that could be misunderstood or misinterpreted. Teachers instead write complete, comprehensive evaluations of students and their work throughout a quarter. They can choose to give full, partial or no credit for a program.

Evergreen doesn’t require as much academic prowess and scholarly willpower as it does creativity. I have an unlimited imagination, but never has it been applied to designing a college education. In an institution which allows this and encourages it, the mind is freed of meaningless worries such as credits, grades, and mere memorization. Instead, a swiftly growing and maturing brain will engage in more important processes, like internal discussion, developing ideas and opinions, self-analysis, and self-discovery (partly through self-doubt).

Evergreen’s program system clears things up for those of us who were frustrated by having to jump from learning about DNA to reading Moby Dick in two hours. What if we could connect the two based on something they may have in common?

In a program, all types of classes—arts, sciences, social studies—are all tied together around a central theme. Usually, there are two to five professors who each specialize in an area within the program. They all collaborate and share their expertise.

The students’ environment is collaborative as well. When they don’t have to compete for a grade or “setting the curve,” there’s much more energy for sharing opinions, knowledge, and backgrounds.

Authors of what we call the “Great Books” believed that this was always what learning was supposed to be about. Why, then, didn’t education remain such a quenching and enlightening process? Obviously, most people are probably not meant to write books, which, thousands of years later, are still memorable enough to be called the “Great Books.” But how and when did education become so untrustworthy that tests of knowledge were developed? When did it become so discrete that we could measure the amount of it in a letter grade? When, in fact, did education become a measurable quantity at all?

There exists a college where one’s own schools of thought matter most. Personal concepts can be applied to a learning environment where there can only be endless rewards– the introduction of new thoughts, which develop and are reapplied. This means a cycle of win-win collaborative learning situations in discussions, ideas and personal growth.
There is so much to look forward to at Evergreen. Aside from its unique perspective on studies, it doesn’t lose any exciting opportunities available at other colleges. There’s so much to get involved in and so many choices to take advantage of in clubs, sports and the arts. Many activities were not options for me in high school.

I have attended a specifically college prep school for the past six years. Needless to say, it wasn’t prepping me for the type of learning I will embrace at Evergreen. No, the Coeur d’ Alene Charter Academy has been training me in the ways of the traditional college, where I would spend even more tedious hours fighting for that weird letter A that really represented nothing.

Then again, it’s not like there’s an Evergreen Prep School. And because of the whole diploma thing, high schools need a way to quantify how much a student has supposedly learned.

I’m confused by the awarding of letter grades for tedious memorization and regurgitation of textbook knowledge, and by what, if any, relation these grades have to learning in the first place. Evergreen opened my eyes to this disconnection, thankfully. In attending Evergreen, I’m especially anticipating seeing the world unrestricted by the blindness caused when education is made into a monotonous, unimaginative chore. Evergreen is a breath of fresh air after struggling to find inspiration in a traditional school system.

The Evergreen State College: www.evergreen.edu