Oh, Champs-Élysées!

This is happening tomorrow. I’m pretty excited. And I wish I were there.

 

Untitled, for now.

Exactly one year ago today, I embarked on a nearly 4-month-long journey to France, Italy, and (though I didn’t know it at the time), Germany. I got my passport stamped 4 times. I had one of the most [prolonged] learning and growing experience of my life– a period during which I was enriched in new ways every second of every day.

Things haven’t come very far. If I was a junior again this year, I would certainly take the trip again in a heartbeat. I would do so with more insight to the process of traveling, more confidence with the French language, and more knowledge in general. However, I would do so with, hopefully, the same amount (or more) of open-mindedness and enthusiasm. How can we expect to learn anything if we aren’t willing to try new things?

I don’t think I was a different person while traveling than I am today. I don’t think I would be a different person in France if I were to be there again tomorrow (with possible exception to my host family– I regret not talking to them more and being so shy). But for some reason, I don’t think I have had the same open mindedness and enthusiasm since getting back from my trip that I had abroad. I guess, since I have command of the language, and I have a very reliable and independent mode of transportation, and I have an immediately accessible support network near me, I have not felt like taking risks… or I have not felt that every action is a risk.

To be clear, I don’t think that every action is a risk. That would be silly and paranoid. But I do think that a traveler needs to look at every experience as a learning opportunity, and approach decisions and situations with a certain degree of caution and wariness… mixed with a healthy amount of spontaneity and a carefree attitude.

I seriously believe that traveling well is an art form. I dare you to challenge me.

So, what I mean by treating every action like a “risk,” is that even in our home countries, where we feel very comfortable and grounded, we have not only the ability to, but also almost an obligation to, go about life with the awareness, caution, spontaneity, and carefree manner that we would if we were traveling. This should enable to learn as much as possible from everyday activities, as well as those activities that break us out of our comfort zones.

For the record, another belief of mine is that the fundamental purpose of individuals’ lives (as distinguished from the purpose of human life in general) is to learn. And yes, I also believe that the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. So shoot me.

Which brings me to my real point: I broke out of my comfort zone today. The thrill of it reminded me of traveling, which in turn made me realize that I was automatically treating my day of “first times” like I would have any activity in France: with awareness, caution, spontaneity, and that carefree attitude.

The activity: Shooting guns at a range with a couple guys I’ve known about two months.

I could write another whole blog post about how vehemently opposed I am to the use (misuse?) of weapons, especially for the purpose of harming or in any way endangering a human life. nuh-uh. Hell to the no. Until about a week ago, I’d scarcely picked up a gun, which meant that I had neither learned to shoot one nor learned how to behave around one safely. But… it also meant that I was pretty sure I was immune to that sort of thing. I think my thought process went something like this: “I hate guns and weapons of any kind. They are only used to do evil. If I learned anything about them I would be legitimizing (or at least recognizing) their power and influence in the world, and I just don’t think they should have any power or influence in the first place!”

Not much has changed. I do think weapons are used in entirely the wrong ways. I’m not even sure if there are “right” ways to use weapons, except perhaps for food gathering, with which I really don’t have a problem. Unless animals are endangered and unless they are domesticated, I believe the circle of life does need to continue. I respect vegans and vegetarians, but I am not one, and I don’t have a problem with killing game.

I’m still struggling with my own hypocrisy, but I think I have it somewhat figured out: Learning how to operate and be safe around guns is not wrong. In fact, in some cases I think it’s necessary, and I think that to not learn proper weapon procedures can be ignorant and foolish.

Long story short: because I have a couple friends who are equipped and well-learned in this area, I decided to spend a day under their tutelage. I fired more guns today than I thought was possible and learned more than I’d ever cared to know. But I cared to know it today.

It was odd, though. I’ve spent so long treating guns and people who shoot them as despicable, heartless bastards that it was incredibly difficult to amend that preconception. When I was watching my friends, and the moment I was attached to a gun, the entire process was fascinating to me. I asked questions and genuinely tried to get the hang of each model. I didn’t even mind when the recoil on one nearly put my eye out (alright, so I took secret pleasure in it). I was having so much fun. But as soon as I glanced over at the other people at the range, in their proper stances and with their hands wrapped around the cold metal I was coming to know so well, I could feel myself get angry. For what were they practicing? Were they also right-wing conservatives related to Sarah Palin? How many endangered animals had they killed?

Nevermind the fact that here it was, my first time at a range, on pretty much my first time even holding a gun– I was just entirely convinced that my friends and I were the only ones there with the right mindset about shooting. We were the only ones treating it as a sport, and nothing more.

And then I realized: I was everything that I detest about the “typical gun-owner.” He is male. He is a Republican. He is a military veteran or a military hopeful. He has killed not only game, but also his once-in-a-lifetime moose and bear. He has rugs in his house made out of their hides and several stuffed and mounted heads. He has probably even shot at a fellow human being. But most of all, the gun owner is suspicious and paranoid. He sleeps with a pistol under his pillow, just on the off chance that he needs to protect his wife (because of course, she will need to be defended by her husband). He trusts no one, and categorizes people in terms like “hippie,” “terrorist,” and “fellow Christian.”

Maybe it wasn’t the weapons I hated, but the stereotypical weapon users. Had I become one of them in such a short time? I assumed the worst of those other people at the range. I assumed the best of my friends. And I was the purest of them all.

You need to have a little bit of anger in you, I think, to be able to fire a gun. There is nothing wrong with a healthy amount of anger. And yet, your target can’t be a mental image of a human face.

You have to be extremely cautious when handling a weapon. And yet, at some point you have to actually point it at something and shoot.

You have to be a little carefree to be able to shoot. If you try to think of all the moral implications of what you’re doing at once, you’ll put much more than your eye out. You’ll go crazy. And yet, you have to be very conscious of what is going on with yourself psychologically.

Most of all, if you feel like you have to attack anything, attack your own beliefs, your own comfort zone, and your own insecurities. We’re not always forced to do so unless we’re put in a slightly compromising (or heart pumping) scenario like we encounter when traveling. Sometimes we have to make our own hurdles by confronting something we thought was pretty stagnant and challenging it.

Not that I’m in a position to give advice, but here is my last piece of it anyway: make new friends. I hadn’t done so in a l-o-n-g time, but this year it has exposed me to some incredible people and their amazing minds, talents, and humor.

When you’re home, friends can challenge you to be or do something you never thought possible. When you’re traveling, friends can make you feel like you’re home.

Thanks for reading.

Grocery Store Analogy No. 1

Alright, so you have to go to the store. You’ve written a list a mile long, plus by the time you get to the store you are absolutely famished, so you’ve added a bunch of stuff to your list that you can buy to eat right away. But then, you get in the store and realized you’ve forgotten your list. Everything on it escapes your mind, except for the items you’ve added most recently– the food that you will eat immediately, the food that you are most hungry for.

You buy all that food and are feeling pretty proud of yourself. You remember the things that really mattered, and you’re feeling satiated. Plus, they happened to be your favorite foods, the ones you really, really loved to eat. They may not be entirely healthy or sustaining (no protein there), but they sure are frickin good.

A tiny voice nags at the back of your head. It worries a bit for the future, knowing that you won’t have anything to satisfy you later. But you ignore that voice, because you’ve taken care of your needs now and that’s what matters.

Sure enough, a few hours later you’re starving again… and this time you’re craving protein, because by now you’re in survival mode and you know you’re going to be in an awful condition later without eating it now.

I don’t have regrets about what I said in the past, but I sure wish I had thought ahead to the future a bit more.

Normalcy: An Update

So a while ago I wrote this:

Normalcy: the bane of my existence. When you spend as much time thinking about theoretic occurrences, they start to all be fantastical and unrealistic. Things that would happen in movies. Extremes.

Life is not extreme.

Unfortunately, life is normal. Unfortunately, life hands you exactly what you ask from it and exactly what is meant for you.

Isn’t it odd? We spend so much time expecting the extremes, because the extremes help us reach new emotional heights, and (even better) we can prepare for the extremes. There are books and plays and songs and movies about death. There are books and plays and songs and movies about love. Even if we’ve never actually experienced it, we are conditioned and completely ready to deal with loss, rejection, fear, admiration, love, and all the situations and emotions that come with it.

You disagree? Trust me, you know exactly what you would say if that person told you s/he loved you. You know exactly what to say if s/he went to break up with you or if the school you wanted to go to spat in your face. You have thought about it countless times.

But life is normal. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t throw you curve balls or that good/bad things don’t happen… it’s just that it will never be as dramatic as what you prepare for. Let me see the books about dealing with normal life. No one tells you how to deal with normalcy, probably because it cannot be “dealt” with. It just is.

So strange– you prepare for the extreme, but life hands you normalcy, the unexpected. I guess that’s what makes life so extreme.

–

Update: 08/14/10

And just now, I found this website, which addresses things perfectly!

http://sivers.org/drama

Sugar Town

The Beatles have a song about everything. They even have a song about not letting the weather get you down.

Before I go into my spiel about being a huge proponent of not being affected by a few raindrops, let me first say that I have many, many friends and relative who get serious Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I know it’s real and I know that it’s a problem for tons of people. I know it’s clinical and there are medical treatments.

Now, barring that, I just gotta say…

Being in a bad mood because it’s rainy or cloudy or snowy, or sunny, is perfectly ridiculous.

Want to know what you’re really “SAD” about?! You’re depressed because you are realizing something over which you have absolutely no control. You have no say in whether it will be a cloudy day or a sunny one, and yet sometimes you plan your life around it. Planning your life around something over which you have no control? Really?! How does that not sound ridiculous and… even psychopathic?

Ok, ok. Some people are farmers or weathermen or… I dunno, hot air ballooners. But (and maybe it’s a generalization) I don’t think people in those professions base their hopes, fears, and emotions on the sky. “Who ever heard of a fatalistic farmer?” (attributed to Bob Dylan, from the movie “I’m Not There”).

Relax. The weather should be like the stock market. Your life doesn’t have to be determined by what happens there and you don’t need to let it get you down. Eventually it will rain on your parade, but even when it does, there are WAY more important things in life. And keeping a level head and an open heart will help you recognize all those things that are way more important.

And guess what? I have song lyrics to back myself up! Enjoy.

“You can’t keep letting it get you down, and you can’t keep dragging a dead weight around. Is it really all that much to lug around?Better run like hell when you hit the ground, when the morning comes. Let it go, this too shall pass.” – “This Too Shall Pass,” OK GO

“When the rain comes, they run and hide their heads, they might as well be dead, if the rain comes. When the sun comes, they slip into the shade, and they sip their lemonade, when the sun shines. Rain, I don’t mind. Shine, the weather’s fine. I can show you that when it starts to rain, everything’s the same. I can show you. When it rains and shines, it’s just a state of mind. Can you hear me?” – “Rain,” The Beatles

“Yesterday it rained in Tennessee, I heard it also rained in Tallahassee, but not a drop fell on little old me, ’cause I was in Sugar Town.” – “Sugar Town,” Nancy Sinatra

“I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it’s cold outside, I’ve got the month of May.” – “My Girl,” The Temptations

“Everyone might find me foolish to not be counting on the sun.” – “Forecast,” Jason Mraz

Fighting Defense

I just had a thought: “Nothing in the world is worth fighting for.”

I’m not sure if I actually wanted to think it — rather, it was more like my brain was just stringing together a series of words that sounded ok. So, really, I’m not sure if I actually wanted to believe it.

It smells like apathy. I am not apathetic, I am passionate. I dislike apathy, and I dislike fighting. I generally dislike defensiveness also, but for it there seems to be a time and place, unlike fighting. So perhaps what I would believe is that things are worth defending, but not to the point of fighting.

“Something is happening here…”

“… but you don’t know what it is. Do you, Mr. Jones?” — “Ballad of a Thin Man,” Bob Dylan

_____________

Earthquakes happen right and left. There is snow in odd parts of the world this year, and not in the “normal” parts. Tsunami warnings.

What the hell is going on?

I’m not saying global warming exists (how dare I make such an unsupported claim?), but I am saying something is going on.

There have always been natural disasters, and I guess there have usually been worldwide relief efforts, but this is different. We’ve been asked constantly to send money to Haiti for over a month now, and we’re going to be asked to help with Chile’s catastrophe as well. I’m not complaining, but I am curious. I’m also not an avid conspiracy theorist, and I don’t tend to wonder whether I can rely on my money being spent responsibly if I donate to Haiti. But does it have to come at the same time as an economic crisis?

… Ok, I sort of cannot believe I just said that. But eventually, someone has to ask it, right? I don’t doubt that they need our help, but can’t they ask people who already have the Apple iPad and have money left over?

Yes, I’m joking.

I wish I knew what my point was. Something is going on.

Seriously, what would YOU choose?

So, Verizon is like, “OMG look at our map! It is so much more covered than AT&T’s!”

And AT&T is like, “PSHH, Verizon doesn’t even HAVE a map!”

And T-Mobile is like, “Well, if you want to sing out, sing out, and if  you want to be free, be free, cuz there’s a million things to be, you know that there are…”

A poem by Rumi: “An Awkward Comparison”

[The formatting doesn't hold. I'll try to figure that out later. Also, I chose it randomly from a book of Rumi's poems that I have. I might decode it later in another post. Enjoy]

———-

“An Awkward Comparison”

This physical world has no two things alike.

Every comparison is awkwardly rough.

You can put a lion next to a man,

but the placing is hazardous to both.

Say the body is like this lamp.

It has to have a wick and oil. Sleep and food.

If it doesn’t get those, it will die,

and it’s always burning those up, trying to die.

But where is the sun in this comparison?

It rises, and the lamp’s light

mixes with the day.

Oneness,

which is the reality, cannot be understood

with lamp and sun images. The blurring

of a plural into a unity is wrong.

No image can describe

what of our fathers and mothers,

our grandfathers and grandmothers, remains.

Language does not touch the one

who lives in each of us.

There are two kinds of intelligence: one acquired,

as a child in school memorizes facts and concepts

from books and from what the teacher says,

collecting information from the traditional sciences

as well as from the new sciences.

With such intelligence you rise in the world.

You get ranked ahead or behind others

in regard to your competence in retaining

information. You stroll with this intelligence

in and out of fields of knowledge, getting always more

marks on your preserving tablets.

There is another kind of tablet, one

already completed and preserved inside you.

A spring overflowing its springbox. A freshness

in the center of the chest. This other intelligence

does not turn yellow or stagnate. It’s fluid,

and it doesn’t move from outside to inside

through the conduits of plumbing-learning.

This second knowing is a fountainhead

from within you, moving out.

Geek in the [Black]

… Because it’s the new pink. Title thanks to Jason Mraz.

So you know that game “would you rather”? It asks all kinds of silly questions like, “would you rather your mother didn’t shave her legs or that your father did?” or “would you rather be blind or deaf?”

Well… my dad shaved his legs for a long time. He was a triathlete.

And my mom mostly does not shave her legs.

So much for that question.

As for the other one… that’s always been simple too. If I had to make a choice, I would not hesitate to be blind. It all hinges on what I would be missing: To live without being able to listen to music would be a veritable hell, and I honestly don’t know how I would survive. 

Which would you rather?