One of Many Odes to a best friend. September 27, 2009

This is a manipulated song about just wanting to mean the world to that friend who means the world to you. You have a lot of history, but somehow those times seem to get lost or forgotten, and before long you start to fear you can’t remember what that bond was in the beginning. You want everyone to know all that you’ve shared. Wanting a soulmate is not selfish.

Hello, tell me you know. Yeah, you’ve figured me out? Something gave it away…
It would be such a beautiful moment to see the look on your face, to know that I know that you know now.

I guess that’s a case of my wishful thinking: You know nothing. You and I, we can carry on for hours on end. We get along much better than you and that person you’re interested in.

Well, all I really want to do is love you,
The kind that the closest of friends use.
But I still can’t say it after all we’ve been through.

And all I really want from you is to feel me,
As the feeling inside keeps building.
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me.

Well, how long can I go on like this, wishing to be your everything, before I rightly explode?
And this double life I lead isn’t healthy for me; in fact, it makes me nervous. If you find out, I could be risking it all… There’s a lot that I’d miss in case…

All I really want to do is love you,
The kind that the closest of friends use,
But I still cant say it after all we’ve been through.

And all I really want from you is to feel me,
As the feeling inside keeps building.
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me

If I should be so bold, I’d ask you to hold my heart in your hand, and tell you from the start how I’ve longed to be your friend. But I never said a word– I guess I’m gonna miss my chance again.

Well, all I really want to do is love you
The kind that the closest of friends use
But I still can’t say it after all we’ve been through.

And all I really want from you is to feel me,
As the feeling inside keeps building.
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me.

[Song thanks to Jason Mraz, of course. Speaking of soulmates...]

A Beautiful Friendship July 20, 2009

Wavelengths are powerful; sharing wavelengths with someone is even more so. It’s one thing to be in agreement with someone verbally; it’s another thing to share the same thoughts; it’s another thing to share feelings.

I don’t think all of that comes automatically with someone. People may talk about love at first sight, but even though the lusty feeling may be there, the synchronicity takes some work. And it’s not any different with a friendship. In fact, it’s even more difficult to develop mutuality, because you don’t have the initial lust from which to develop common ground. But when you do reach that ultimate mutuality, in any relationship, it’s the best feeling in the world–but it still demands attention and effort.

One of my criteria for having a romantic relationship is that we both have to have a mutual respect. We should share other things mutually as well, but respect is first and foremost for me.

So I often wonder if this isn’t my main problem with Christianity. If I want a relationship with God and/or with Christ, I seem to have this innate desire for it to be mutual, and that’s just not possible. The idea that we owe so much to Christ, who bled and died for our sins, is sort of a deterrent–meaning that we can never “break even” because of our sin nature and all that. But wouldn’t it be great if the phrase “what a friend we have in Jesus” was actually true, and it actually was a friendship?

“What a friend we have in Jesus,/ all our sins and griefs to bear/…/ Can we find a friend so faithful/ who will all our sorrows share?/ Jesus knows our every weakness/…/ Are we weak and heavy-laden,/ Cumbered with a load of care?/ Precious Savior, still our refuge/…/ Thou wilt find a solace there.”

Maybe it is mutual. Maybe Jesus does bear our burdens and we bear his, like friends do. Maybe he does want the best for us, and in a way, we want the best for him– for the ideals he embodied. The biggest difference is that a friendship with Jesus doesn’t involve immediate gratification. While it’s possible to have tons of fun with a best friend, it’s not really possible to have a party with Jesus… unless you dole out peyote as a party favor. But instead, the time when we get to join Jesus is at the “end” of the friendship.

“Soon in glory bright, unclouded,/ There will be no need for prayer./ Rapture, praise, and endless worship/ will be our sweet portion there.”

Or is it the beginning? Perhaps life is a long courtship with Jesus, and Heaven is the real beginning of a beautiful friendship.

[Song: "What a Friend We Have in Jesus," by Joseph M. Scriven.]