The Inner Piece

The Outer Peace

Play. Laugh. Grow. November 15, 2009

Lately, I’ve had this near-constant feeling of wanting to GET UP AND GO. Maybe you know it: where your butt starts tingling after sitting in a chair for longer than a half hour, and your feet keep twitching, and you look at pictures of Paris and nearly cry.

I know I’m going abroad in the spring, and I’m having lots of fun in Oly and at my apartment and with my friends. And honestly, even though I have the drive, I don’t really have the energy to do much other than just watch other people do amazing things. Eventually I will get to do them, too.

I have a bunch of friends who aren’t in college, and I read a bunch of websites about internships and jobs at all the places I would like to eventually be, like NYTimes, magazines, Pandora.com, and lots of others. In some ways I feel cooped up being in college, in one apartment, one town, one state… with still the same life goals. I don’t have any regrets about getting an education now, but because it’s so expensive and because I hate my class so much, I do wonder if there are many other things I could be working at. I really value the experience I’m getting with the paper (and the advisor talked to me again the other day about becoming editor-in-chief, which is insanely exciting), but I can’t help thinking all the time about the fact that I don’t actually want to work at a paper!

Earlier in the quarter I was telling my parents that usually at college, it’s so easy to just take random classes and get tons of credits and lose sight of where exactly you’re going in an education. You have to plan for what credits to get, but other than that, you’re just taking a bunch of unrelated classes that eventually are supposed to come together and sync up with what you’re interested in. But at Evergreen, it’s harder to not think about your eventual life and academic goals all the time during a program and during the year. If you can’t see where you’re going, why are you in that program? If you’re not connecting to your more broad (or more specific) academic focus, what are you doing?!

That’s why it’s so frustrating that I’m in this program and I’m being restricted to not involve my long-term interests.

So maybe I just feel antsy because of my academic frustrations. That would make a lot of sense. Also, Thanksgiving break is coming up, so hopefully I will get my kicks out then.

 

The past can be the future. Why go back? September 18, 2009

Introducing the first thing I have posted on my wall (REAL wall, that is–NOT Facebook) since I have moved into my apartment:

The very first issue of the Cooper Point Journal (CPJ), the paper for which I am the print managing editor (there is a web managing editor for, obviously, the web edition). The CPJ is a weekly publication put out by the CPJ student group, but more broadly, it is a paper by and for the students, which is most important. The CPJ accepts any type of content from anyone enrolled as a student at the Evergreen State College, which is very cool. We have two advisors, but they don’t have any say over what goes in the paper (nor does any other faculty member). The student group is comprised entirely of students who put out the web and print publication, as well as students to manage and maintain the business side of things. We only receive a certain amount of funding from the Student Activities department of the school, and the student activities funds come directly from students through tuition, so the paper is quite literally BY the students, in all senses. Students in positions of responsibility receive a learning allotment most weeks of the quarter, which enables them to spend the time that they do at the CPJ.

The CPJ is not a “job,” and we do not get “paid.” We don’t even “work.” We have responsibilities, and are held accountable for those responsibilities by the mere fact that we are members of the organization. We don’t need to know a certain amount before coming into a position at the CPJ (seriously, I am a managing editor after only 3 years of being involved in journalism of any sort; that tells you something), but we are encouraged to learn while we’re at the CPJ–hence the designation of the CPJ being a “learning laboratory.”

Anyway, as my position indicates, I am responsible for the print edition of the paper, which is weekly. The first paper came off the presses today, and I got to watch it happen. I was given a copy right then and there, with that picture on the cover that I took and the cover design that I did. I was (and am) so proud of that thing.

So… why do I feel guilty? The thing about the CPJ is that, since we don’t “work,” we don’t have hours, so technically we are at liberty to leave whenever we want. But since we are responsible and accountable for certain tasks, they should be priority. Plus, there is always the chance that more may come up, or tasks may be delegated, and there is the real looming responsibility of the actual publication. So “leadership” (the business manager, associate business manager, editor in chief, associate editor, web managing editor, and print managing editor) are usually under the impression that other members will be (or should be) as dedicated to producing the overall result as we are. Well, frankly, sometimes they just aren’t.

That should be fine with us. I mean, technically their position has certain responsibilities assigned to it, and if they take care of those they are free to lead a life. The problem is that we get so caught up in what has to be done, and usually we are so short-staffed, that we feel the need to delegate tasks to these people that somehow have gotten done with their section early.

…Ok, I’m tired of explaining this, so the short version is that there is A TON of guilt-tripping in the CPJ. Shhhh, don’t tell anyone.

I felt the guilt pressure almost all of last year in my various positions, as well as this past summer when I was at home having a normal life when everyone else was at the office having responsibilities in which I was expected to take part or share.

So though I never told anyone when I came back this year, my ultimate goal is to never guilt trip someone. If someone is done and says something like “…so…I think I’ll head out now,” I can respond with no more than, “all right. If you find you have more time, let us know if you’re free and we can give you something to do.” That’s it. Because I am so fed up with these people being presented with that situation of someone wanting to leave and saying, “well… ok… it would be great if you could stay a while longer, because there’s a lot left to do…”

What BS. Suck it up and do some work yourself. Last night was production night, and I felt like I did a ton because we were short-staffed and people left. And I was fine with it. I am at the CPJ because I have an extreme passion for journalism. And I want that passion to show through my drive and motivation to put out a quality paper without too much perfectionism. Actually, I can’t imagine what it would be like if we had a full staff. What would I do?!

Our advisor once said, when we were anticipating the switch to our primarily online medium, that “Jo can put out a print paper by herself. So what you guys need to focus on is the website.” And, though that probably wouldn’t be something I’d prefer in the heat of the moment, it sounds a little daringly awesome.

It won’t happen. The CPJ is a students’ paper, not a student’s paper. [If you don't understand that line, please leave this blog. Now.]

And I don’t want it to happen. I am so caught up in the awesomeness of the ‘voice of the students thing’ that I never want to give that up. Why would a publication function any differently?

It seems like every time I find something new about Evergreen, I react to it like I did when I got my Mac: Why would ever go back to how it/I was before? In fact, that happens with many facets of my life.

Why would I ever go back to a school that gave grades and pushed a competitive learning environment?

Why would I ever go back to a life without barbershop music?

Why would I ever go back to being involved in a newspaper that wasn’t by and for the people?

It’s so important. I realized this when the EIC was working on launching the website today. Before, I had been rather caught up in how the site would look, and how it would function, blah blah blah, just so that people would want to look at it and come back to it and become a member of the site, etc. But now, I want it to look very rustic and work-in-progress-like, so that people will instead come up to us and say something like, “btw, that website of yours… uh… sucks.” Then, I will be able to tell them [quite honestly, mind you], “I’m so glad you think so! We would love to have your expertise, or at least some input about it!”

Does that sound dorky? Because I think it sounds really exciting.

Orientation week issue

 

Wear Your Love Like Heaven March 2, 2009

Filed under: Evergreen, In My Life — josahlin @ 12:20 am
Tags: , , ,

As I’d anticipated, my class IS killing me this quarter. Luckily, that project we have to do is a little more enjoyable since my subject is my Godmother, Rita Wilde. I have to write a 10 to 20 page paper and do the project part. So I’m putting together a magazine-ish newsletter-ish thing, with a clip of one of her shows for the audio part, if I can. I’m really stoked about it, and I found Adobe Creative Suite 4 Design Premium at our campus bookstore for INSANELY cheap, so now I have Photoshop and InDesign and everything I need! 

Other than that… my class is running my life. Oh, except for the school paper, which is also running my life. We have meetings 3 days a week, not to mention production night. I spend at least as much time there as I do at class each week. And I get paid $14 a week. And for all my complaining, I’m looking at taking on another position! All my friends tell me to quit. But it’s what I want to do, and it’s good experience, and whether they like it or not I AM making more money than they are :P So maybe they’re just jealous… doubtful. 

I might get a tattoo next weekend. I know what design I want and my heart is set on that. I also know where I want it. And I don’t think I’d ever regret it, because it would be hidden most of the time (it would be just below my collarbone, and be about 3 inches tall; it’s a treble clef with a peace sign inside it) and it means a lot to me. I love music and I love peace, so I don’t think I could go wrong with that. But that doesn’t stop my brain from thinking “is it right?” Like, I’m waiting for the right moment or the right circumstance to get it (maybe when I’m in LA with my godmother), and that may never come. Or if it does, I could always just get another one. I like tattoos; if they’re tasteful and not too obvious, I think they can be gorgeous, and an awesome form of art. So I have nothing against it. And it’s not like anyone I know or anyone in my family would look at me with disgust or something. And I’d still be able to get a job, for heaven’s sake.

I want it, hands down. But then there’s the pain. Which I hear actually is not too bad. So that would be ok… I think. Blah, I just don’t know. 

The latest thing is that this girl I knew through Jazz Ensemble in high school recently texted me and asked if it was ok if she took one of my best friends to prom. I don’t want her to… but of course I can’t actually tell her that. And she said it came up because my friend told her I might get mad if she took him. I’m sure he was kidding… but one of my friends here thinks that he was using me as an excuse to get out of going with her. I’m totally fine with that. But… ok, here’s what I want:

1. To tell him that I’m fine with him going with her… but have it be pretty obvious to him that I would not be totally ok with it and that he shouldn’t go with her.

2. For him to be ok with using me as an excuse all he wants.

3. For her to think that I’m actually totally fine with him going with her.

4. For him to NOT go with her.

I feel so selfish. And obviously, 2 and 3 contradict each other, and I have absolutely no control over #4. So, the best I can do is go with #1… screw it if that makes me seem like a bitch to her. After all, by Idaho standards I AM a bitch. ha.

Anyway, I’m going to talk to him first, I think. That makes sense because he’s my first priority. :P We shall see.

In other areas of my life, hmmm…

I am having tons of fun making random playlists in iTunes. I use the weird categories to make cool mix CDs for my mom. She eats that stuff up, because she’ll go on road trips and then she has tons of music to listen to. I wish I could put the playlists on here… but I put so much hard work into them and don’t want them to get stolen! Haha, just kidding. I will put them up at some point. Some of them are genius, if I do say so myself. Especially if you knew my mom’s taste.

By the way, I just want to say… ALMOST 1000 HITS! That is fantastic, thanks everyone who looks at my page. I’m still working on getting an actual writing job so that I can put some interesting content on here (and make some money!). :P

(Title courtesy of Donovan. On an unrelated note, my car is named Donovan. And I’m getting my car after spring break!)

 

“Final Thoughts” July 16, 2008

Filed under: Articles — josahlin @ 1:42 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

This was part of a compilation of articles that all the senior editors (including me) of my high school newspaper wrote. The newspaper was ending, not just for the year, but until further notice. We were all heartbroken (even though we were all seniors and would be leaving anyway). We produced a fantastic paper and were very disappointed to hear that it would end after we left. So this is the “goodbye” article I wrote for the last edition of our paper, The Illuminati.

It was when I starter daydreaming about fantastic article leads like this one that I realised I wanted to go into journalism as a career. Leads can usually be placed in one of the following categories: sappy, questioning, ZAP!, yawn, news, bitter, me me me, you you you, or a combination of those.

For your entertainment, since you will never read another lead from me in The Illuminati, I will give you some outtakes for this article:

Sappy: Well, we editors have come a long way, but it’s time to put an end to the magic.

Questioning: What does one do when the publishing of her favorite paper comes to an end?

ZAP!: My beloved paper! Gone! No more! It is an ex-paper!

Yawn: Mrs. Smith just told us there might not be a paper next year.

News: On May 5, 2008, Journalism/Yearbook adviser Jane Smith announced the potential end of The Illuminati for the ‘08-’09 school year.

Bitter: As if just not writing for the paper anymore weren’t enough, the administration has decided to shut down our precious paper altogether.

Me, me, me: I could die – I don’t know what will become of me if I can’t see my name in my school’s paper anymore!

You, you, you. You never know what you have until you have it taken away from you, and you won’t know how much you’ll miss the paper until you’re not reading it anymore.

And so on, and so forth.

The lead of an article is “a short summary serving as an introduction to a news story, article or other copy,” but you’ve probably figured that out. Obviously, the lead is probably the most important part of a story. It can make or break the other 500 words of an article, or it can make or break every reader’s opinion of the author.

The lead is “a guide or indication of a road, course, method, etc., to follow.” I can’t remember writing my first lead ever, but I’m sure while writing I wasn’t thinking it would automatically lead to my primary career choice. Or life in general.

The lead: an observation, some inspiration, a motivation. Fuel for action. Reason for change. A cause for the effect. The question for the resolution. Or, the roadmap for the action. The plan for the plot.

The body: The supporting scene. Details. Specifics. A blow-by-blow of conflicts. Whatever makes the outcome worthwhile. Everything that gives meaning to the point. An argument. A testimony of passion. An explanation, a legacy.

The conclusion: … I’ll be honest – I don’t know yet.

And what happens after? We begin again, of course. For there will always be another deadline or another incentive. Then begins the new cycle of creativity, of excitement and of craziness. Just like life, everything keeps moving. It may be disorderly (everyone has that really yucky, disappointing article every once in a while), and the outcome may be completely unsatisfactory.

As some great young prophet said, “any blank piece of paper is a world to be created, an idea to be stated or and emotion to be conveyed… [it's] a canvas just like Life; it’s ours to do with what we wish; it’s reserved for our imagination.”

So here we all are, each writing just one more lead for our adored Illuminati, paradoxically choosing the best beginning to end our editorial reign, choosing the best conclusion to commence the rest of our lives.

… And there you have it. That is all my work; I would appreciate it if no one stole any part of it. Thank you.